Merry Christmas
by PhoenixFalls
Summary: Emily has been back for two weeks. JJ has unfinished business. Non canon timeline but takes place in S12


Two weeks. Emily had been back—had been _unit chief_ —for two weeks and JJ still had yet to get the other woman alone. She wanted, no _needed_ , to talk to her but it seemed like Emily was going out of her way to avoid being alone with JJ. 'And can you really blame her?' JJ thought, running a frustrated hand through her hair. There was so much unsaid between them. So much that was big and final and… _scary_.

JJ was in love with Emily. She hadn't really had the full realization of the depth of her feelings until their eyes had met across the makeshift dance floor at her wedding of all places. That was certainly a fine time to realize you were in love with someone who wasn't the person you were getting married to but she had. It hadn't mattered, ultimately, because Emily was gone soon thereafter and JJ had always felt that Emily leaving had been partially her fault. After all, they had made love in Paris. That was the only thing that you could call the slow, sensual, and careful untethering from reality they'd engaged in when JJ was setting her friend up in the foreign country to hide from Doyle.

Neither of them had meant for it to happen, it was just that they were desperate to feel something, to not lose each other, terrified for the future. If JJ bothered to examine her feelings with unclouded judgment, she probably would have realized the second she'd climbed into the back of the ambulance that was hauling ass to the nearest hospital, wan with worry, that she was in love. But it just hadn't hit her until she had been dancing with Will at their wedding and their eyes lingered on each other. Emily seemed to be able to read her mind then, to say 'I know you're not ready and I respect that' but JJ thought they would have a chance to talk about it.

They never did. JJ had tried to bring it up exactly once. On one of their infrequent Skype calls after JJ had had enough wine to loosen her tongue she had started to broach the subject; haltingly said, 'Em…about Paris,' but Emily had cut her off before she could continue: 'I know JJ, it was just a one off thing, don't worry I won't tell anyone. We should forget about it.' But JJ hadn't wanted to forget about it. She relived that night every time she put her head to a pillow and tried to slip off to sleep peacefully for once. But Emily had seemed so adamant and sure that JJ thought maybe her feelings _had_ been one-sided. That flew in the face of everything she knew but what other explanation was there?

JJ knew where her heart was. When she was being tortured in a warehouse and close to breaking, it wasn't Will she hallucinated to give her strength. It wasn't Will who came to her in her darkest hour. Really, that had been it for her. She had sat Will down and explained that while she loved him dearly, what she felt for him could be described only as platonic when compared to what she felt for Emily. He had asked her if she was going to leave him, but not knowing how Emily felt she had said no. But when they had all gone to the bar the night after the harrowing rescue, she had said 'no more lies' and she meant it. She had looked to Emily and hoped that the other woman would be able to read her mind, but there had just been a warm smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and that killed JJ.

Now they had her back, for good, and JJ had no idea what to do. Maybe she didn't feel the same way anymore? Didn't she have a boyfriend now? Didn't that mean she moved on? "I just don't know what to do, Will," she was saying. "We've got a good thing going and it seems terrible to throw it away on a chance she could still feel the same way."

On the couch next to her, Will shook his head and set his beer bottle down, taking her hands. "Chere, it's not that simple. You know I love you, I'm in love with you and if you really wanted to be with me, if I made you happy, that would be enough for me. But I see how you've been since she's been back and it's not fair to either of us to keep this thing going, no matter if you tell her or not."

JJ felt her eyes water and she squeezed the rough hands in hers. Will had been outstandingly elegant and reasonable throughout this whole ordeal. Saintly, even. JJ had no doubt that he would make someone very, _very_ happy, but he was right; that person wasn't her. "She doesn't even want to see me though!" JJ huffed and threw an arm over her eyes dramatically. "She acts like I've got bad news and she's avoiding me to not hear it."

"Well, Jayje, have you ever thought that that's exactly what she thinks?"

JJ bristled for a moment but then shook her head. "How could she? She's got a boyfriend now, she doesn't need me."

"But you have a husband…"

JJ leaned forward and put her face in her hands, sighing heavily; "I hate it when you make sense."

Will chuckled and stretched his arms over his head with a yawn. "I'm going to head to bed," he said, referring to the guest room. "You heading up?"

"I will in a minute. Night." She smiled as Will pressed a kiss to her cheek and muttered a goodnight and she watched him head up the stairs before pulling her phone out of her back pocket and staring at it like it would give her answers. Firing off a text to Garcia, her only other confidant besides Will:

 _Pen, I need your help_

The response was prompt: _My help with what?_

 _With Emily. She won't talk to me I have to do something!_

 _Have you decided what you're going to do or are you going to jerk her around?_

JJ frowned at that. Garcia was her best friend but she knew that she still had some loyalty ties to Emily and wouldn't want to see either of them get hurt. _I swear that's the LAST thing I want. I really need to talk to her Pen._

 _Leave it to me, gumdrop!_

Sighing again, JJ put her phone to sleep and stood up. Tomorrow was another day.

The next evening found the BAU team doing catch up paperwork on their latest cases when Penelope sashayed in on her way to Emily's office, throwing a wink at JJ as she did so. JJ watched her knock on the doorframe, exchange a few words that she couldn't hear and then bound down the stairs to the bullpen again.

"So we're on for tonight!" Penelope gushed when she reached JJ's desk.

"What's tonight?" JJ asked curiously.

"Girls night at the Phase, of course!"

"Garcia, that's a lesbian bar." JJ replied in a low voice.

Penelope leaned forward and put on her most conspiratorial voice. "Duh, this way when you ask her to dance creepy guys won't come up and bother you."

"Thanks?"

"No problem. Meet you guys there after work!"

JJ sniffed up a laugh at her friend and tried to focus on her work. Phase One wasn't really known for its dancing and it was usually crowded, but it would provide an atmosphere in which Emily couldn't run from her so maybe it wasn't _all_ bad.

That evening found JJ, Garcia, Tara, and Emily camped out at a collection of chairs in the back corner of Phase One talking and laughing.

"So what's up with you and Mark?" Tara was asking Emily, JJ eagerly listening in.

Emily shrugged. "So what's what? We're friends."

"Who sleep together." Tara pointed out with a chuckle.

"Sometimes friends sleep together SSA Lewis, didn't you know?" Emily asked, feigning ignorance. JJ frowned.

"Oh come on, where did you meet him and everything? Spill!"

"I met him at a gay bar in London proper. And honestly we're just friends who happen to sleep together when the nights get too cold. I love him, he's my rock."

"If you met him at a gay bar, why are you sleeping with him?"

Emily laughed and JJ was sure she'd never heard anything so beautiful in her whole life. "He's pansexual, we just clicked right away; he's my best friend, I talk to him about everything."

JJ felt like that last statement was directed at her and when she looked up, Emily was watching her carefully.

"Come on, let's dance." Penelope announced, grabbing Tara's arm who shrugged happily in response and allowed herself to be pulled away.

"So you're just friends with Mark?" JJ asked when they left, hoping she sounded casual.

Emily regarded her drink more than she would the blonde next to her and shrugged. "Yeah."

JJ lifted her eyebrows and tried to find some reason for them to talk, noting the Christmas decorations strewn around the club. "I can't believe it's almost Christmas."

Emily nodded and took a pull from the beer in front of her. "Henry and Michael must be excited."

"Yeah, Will is taking them to his mom's the day after Christmas, they're both really excited about it."

"You're not going with them?"

JJ shook her head. "Will's mom isn't exactly in the JJ fan club these days."

"Oh? Why not?"

JJ lifted one shoulder and decided to go for it. "Will and I separated two months ago."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I've been trying to!" JJ exclaimed exasperatedly. "You keep ducking me like you owe me money or something."

Emily had the decency to look sheepish. "Sorry I haven't really been around. Things have just been…" she trailed off and shrugged. "What did he do?" she asked by way of changing the subject. "Is it something I'm going to want to murder him for?"

JJ chuckled and shook her head. " _He_ didn't do anything, _I_ … I'm just not in love with him."

Emily's eyes widened. "And it took you two kids to figure that out?"

JJ shrugged. "I wanted to eat my cake and have it too I guess but I realize that that's not fair to him and it's not fair to me if my heart belongs to someone else, right?"

"Right… so who _are_ you in love with?"

JJ honestly wanted to laugh. How could Emily be so worldly and still be so dense? This was the perfect opportunity to tell Emily how she felt but when she opened her mouth, what came out was "it doesn't matter, they don't feel the same way."

"That's rough, I know how that is."

"Do you?"

Emily rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath that JJ didn't catch and silence stretched out between them. JJ frowned into her beer and cursed herself in her head. Why couldn't she just come out with it? What did she have to lose? 'Emily's friendship.' She thought.

"Hey, wanna get out of here?"

JJ looked up in surprise at the sound of Emily's voice and glanced around the crowded club before nodding. "Sure."

"Great, I've got a bottle of merlot at home I've been meaning to crack open and honestly I've missed us hanging out."

JJ smiled beatifically and said, "me too." Following Emily out of the club, waving to Garcia and Tara as they went; Garcia giving her subtle thumbs up and an encouraging smile. They took Emily's car and on the way to her townhouse, the silence from earlier dissipated quickly and the easy—even flirtatious—banter that marked their friendship returned with ease. By the time they parked and walked up to the semi-detached home they were laughing and leaning into each other, it was just like old times.

"So my mother lets herself in and Mark has nothing on but his binder and a pair of Superman boxers." Emily was saying with a laugh as she fumbled looking for her keys. "I was _mortified_ but of course _he_ thought it was hysterical and after seeing the look on Mother's face, I really couldn't blame him."

JJ laughed and leaned against the doorjamb while Emily rifled through her purse on the hunt for her keys. It was cold out and JJ could have sworn she saw a snowflake, which caused her to look up to the cloudy sky, which was when she saw it. Hanging over the threshold of Emily's door was a plastic sprig of mistletoe. "Really? Mistletoe?" JJ laughed teasingly, causing Emily to look up as well.

"What?" Emily asked, feigning offence. "It was in the box with the Christmas decorations so it went out. It's cute."

JJ rolled her eyes fondly. " _You're_ cute." She said before she could stop herself, quickly lodging her lower lip between her teeth and hoping Emily would take it as a joke.

Emily looked over at JJ wide-eyed for a moment but then a puckish grin spread across her face. "Doesn't this mean you have to kiss me before I let you in now?"

JJ felt her heart thrumming against her chest rapidly and swallowed. "It _is_ tradition."

"We wouldn't want to mess with tradition, would we?" Emily asked, taking a small step towards JJ and abandoning the search for her house keys.

Emboldened, JJ took a step that brought her directly into Emily's personal space and smiled softly. "I know _I_ don't."

"Me either." Emily murmured against JJ's lips before pressing them together. JJ sighed into the kiss and eagerly parted her lips when Emily's tongue ran over the seam. JJ tried to pour all her feeling into the kiss, everything she wanted to say, everything she'd ever neglected to tell Emily, was fueling their heated embrace. They say that when you receive the perfect kiss, you see fireworks but JJ didn't think that was the case. She felt like she and Emily were the only people in the world, the excited knot in her stomach uncoiled and for the first time in months, she felt like she was exactly where she was supposed to be. It felt like coming home. It was perfect.

"I do feel the same way." Emily murmured when they pulled apart, referring to JJ's insistence that her feelings for the subject of her affection were one sided.

"Did you know I was talking about you?"

Emily grinned and gave JJ a quick peck. "I had my suspicions. I figured inviting you over would be a good way to confirm or deny them." She turned around and easily fished her keys out of her purse, fitting them into the lock and ushering JJ in out of the cold.

"I meant to tell you." JJ said once the door was closed. "Before, I mean. I tried to tell you, but I don't know…it just wouldn't come out. I didn't want to ruin anything and you were in England."

"I'm not in England now."

"You're not." JJ agreed, allowing herself to be tugged gently into the living room where she slipped off her coat and sat on the couch. "Emily, do you want to have dinner with me tomorrow night?"

"Are you asking me on a date?"

"Yes."

Emily grinned. There were a million reasons why they shouldn't. Technically, she was JJ's boss now after all, but looking at JJ who was watching her expectantly, all she could think about was that none of those millions of reasons really mattered. They were together again, together finally, and she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that. "Only on the condition that you kiss me again."

JJ beamed and said, "I can definitely do that."


End file.
